Sorry if it's been a while since my last post. It's this wonderful thing called life you see. It's very good at keeping me occupied, especially a certain aspect of my life known as work.
Also known as a job, or an occupation, it is an important tool in keeping you fed, warm, sheltered, giving you life meaning and can also prevent boredom induced madness (although depending on the job it may do quite the opposite). Some of you may be familiar with this concept, while others may not be, but there are also some who seem to have misunderstood it all together. This is the subject of today's rant.
According to the Oxford Dictionary, the definition of a job is: "A paid position of regular employment" or "A task or piece of work, especially one that is paid". Notice how the emphisis is on position, pay, and work? This would indicate that it is something structured, not necessarily enjoyable but is needed for the function of the big society; especially in terms of paying for things which are needed such as housing, food, water, utilities, etc. It is clearly something that bears great importance in one's life especially when one wants to better themselves through their occupations and thus climb the socio-economic ladder, a daunting task that requires accurate records of past occupations and achievements. And with such imformation being easily accessible through a google search I feel that if someone chooses to list their current occupation on every social media site they subscribe to, then they should certainly take it more seriously.
On which I am going to say right now that having your occupation as a 'Full Time Mummy' or 'Guardian to Little Angels' and then listing it based at a made up place like 'Never Never Land' or 'My Perfect Castle' is complete and utter bullshit! I don't care if you're a mum to millions of little pie-faced brats, I couldn't give a toss about your reasons for not slaving away in a shop/office like the rest of us or how you managed to drop a small football team out of your vagina in the space of a few years, or how many women you've impregnated because 'you're the fucking daddy, lol'. Whilst I appreciate parenthood can be a difficult and rewarding task if done correctly and sometimes even more challenging then going out to work, it does not count as an occupation. You do not get paid for it (if you do then that would make me very suspicious of your reasons for having them) and it is not something you can just take or leave like a regular job. You can't just wake up one day and say "I don't want to be a mum anymore!" and dump your children on someone else (although there are some who will do that, in which case you are scum!). Once you become a parent you are a parent for life, and sadly there are some who can never have such a precious gift that you trivialise. I have no children of my own yet, mainly because I can't afford to give a child the stability it needs, but I am working on that and if I do become a mother one day I will treat every moment of my life with that child as a fucking privalige, not some tool I can list as my 'occupation' on Facebook or Twitter.
If you don't have an occupation just put 'house wife/husband' or 'unemployed' because once your little brood grow up to become big expensive broods (or perhaps start having broods of their own) you'll probably need to look for a full time paying job, and trust me, potential employers will hardly take you seriously if they search your name only to find you've apparently been the 'Chief of the Cheeky Little Monkies Jay-Jay and Keiran' for the past 5 years. Seriously, just be honest and stop making yourselves out to be complete twats.
Speaking of twats, another thing that annoys me even more are people who have jobs but insist on putting up made up job titles, such as 'Legendary Super Shelf Stacker' or 'The Real Life Muffin Man', for pretty much the same reasons as the unemployed parents above, only theirs is much more tragic as they may have okay jobs but are basically shooting themselves in the foot and letting themselves down more then anything with their stupid occupation titles. I remember a certain person on my facebook feed many years ago who had their job title listed as 'The King' at a perticular supermarket. I tried to envision what a King's role in a supermarket would be, and came to the conclusion that if they were really 'The King' then 1: they probably wouldn't work in retail, and 2: if they did they would probably have the top job and list themselves as 'Chief Executive' rather than 'The King'.
Of course falsely listing yourself as a chief executive would be a lot more difficult to get away with then 'The King' but hey maybe I'm taking this too seriously, retail sucks arse, I should lighten up, blah blah blah. And I know how it feels to have a a crappy job in retail as I've been there and I'm even guilty in the past of putting up a silly job title (I was once a 'Shelf Stacking Superstar') so I suppose you could say it's pot calling kettle black. But looking back on it now I feel I should've taken more pride in my work, not just to make me feel better about my dead-end situation, but to also boost my potential job prospects so I wouldn't have been held back for so long. Because no matter how shit your job might seem, you could be cleaning the toilets for a colonic irrigation centre, but if you can get those toilets so clean you could eat your dinner off it within the space of a few hours, and continue to have a cheerful exterior even when a laxative infested IBS sufferer rushes into one of your cubicles 5 minutes before the end of your shift, you will shine out to upcoming head hunters more then the toilet bowls you've just spent 2 hours scrubbing clean, and certainly more then your miserable arsehole of a co-worker who listed himself as 'Lord of the Poos' at 'The Real Life Hell Hole'. He just made himself look like a anus.
So take care when listing your CV up on the internet, take pride in whatever shit you do to survive, and enjoy my craptacular illustrations. I bid you farewell for now ;)
